Music Monday: Kiss N Tell

Monday, June 16, 2014


Kiss N Tell

A fictional interpretation of a Danger Radio Song.



I never did listen that well.

But I should have seen this coming.

The warnings of everyone around me ring through my head as I lie, completely numb, on my bedroom floor with my phone clutched against my chest. 

“She’s trouble.”

“You’re in too deep.”

“Be careful with her.”

That last one came from her best friend the day I brought her flowers. She didn’t come to the door, but her best friend did, and when she saw the look on my face as I handed her the flowers, she sighed.

“She doesn’t deserve you.” Her best friend had said. “Be careful with her.”

Then, she had shut the door in my face. At the time, I had thought it was a really rude and terrible thing for a best friend to say, but now? Now I knew the truth.

I knew she was distant, but she had her reasons. People don’t put walls up without good reason, and I was determined to be the one to take down her walls. I wanted to show her that I was good for her, that I was different from all the jerks she had dated in the past. I thought with enough persistence, we could really be something.

But I was wrong.

My phone buzzes. It’s another message from her.

I’m sorry if this hurts you, but it seriously didn’t mean anything. I was just lonely, and I know I shouldn’t have used you like that, but I can’t change what happened. I promise it won’t happen again.

She’s talking about the kiss.

***

The night had been windier than usual, and the wind had a chill to it that had everybody drinking more than they should as they huddled around the bonfire. It was somewhat of a tradition to host a bonfire on the beach whenever her parents were out of town and wouldn’t miss the liquor stash they left behind, so when I got the text to be her Designated Driver, I gladly agreed, secretly hoping this would be the night something would finally happen between us. Everybody lets their inhibitions falter when there’s a sense of freedom present, and what’s more freeing than having an empty house to yourself and a bottle of liquor or two to share with close friends? The beach setting, chilly wind, and warm fire added to the romantic possibilities of the night.

I should have known she’d had too much to drink, that it wasn’t right, that it would all be a mistake to her in the morning, but when she pressed her lips to mine, the moment was all that mattered.

“Text me later.” She said when I dropped her off. “I love you.”

I didn’t get to say it back because by the time I found the strength to speak, she was already skipping through her front door. So I sent her a text when I got home.

I love you too.

It wasn’t appreciated.

***

Perhaps I shouldn’t have said anything. I should have waited, waited for a time when her walls were down without the help of alcohol and a lonely night. Perhaps then I wouldn’t have scared her away.

Or maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. Maybe I’ve been deluding myself this whole time, thinking that we could possibly be something more than what we are, what we’ve always been. 

Maybe one kiss is all I’ll ever have, and maybe this love will never be returned. 

And maybe, just maybe, that’s okay.


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