The 5 Destructive Ways Girls Bond

Friday, July 04, 2014

The 5 Destructive Ways Girls Bond

In honor of Feminist Friday and Independence Day, here's a list of the unhealthy ways girls become dependent on one another.

  1. Substance Abuse

Ever heard of peer pressure? How about the phrase “misery loves company?” Girls have a way of dragging each other into the abyss of addiction. I don’t necessarily think girls are more susceptible to substance abuse, but I do think they are more likely to have lower levels of self-esteem than the male population which, of course, makes them more likely to turn to addiction.  You can excuse substance abuse in any way you want, but the fact of the matter is that it’s an escape from the bigger issues in your life that need to be addressed, and true friends wouldn’t participate in your escapism.

2. Body Issues
Why is it okay for girls to bash their bodies with each other? Seriously, it’s almost like a competition that takes place in every public restroom or dressing room. “Oh, my thighs are so huge!” “Your thighs? Look at my stomach!” It’s not healthy. If there are things about yourself you don’t like, then take ownership and change those things, but honestly, until you learn to love yourself exactly as you are, you’ll never be satisfied. And if you want to learn to love yourself, it helps to find people who will actually love you as you are, and not participate in the body-bashing competition.

3. Gossip
A good friend of mine once told me “It’s too easy to talk about other people. It takes guts to talk about yourself.” Unfortunately, talking about ourselves takes more guts than we seem to have the courage for. Hence why gossip becomes the new way to bond. But like the quote “The people who gossip with you will also gossip about you” warns, you should be careful. Gossip is petty, unhealthy, and destructive to relationships. While you may think you’re bonding over your mutual opinion of someone else, you’re not because true bonding comes from establishing a real connection with someone else, and how can you do that if you’re too busy talking about someone else?

4. Rebellion
There are times when rebellion can be a good thing, or even necessary, such as when you’re trying to accomplish something for a bigger purpose. But if your only reason for burning Bibles is to piss off your parents, or if you break the law for the “thrill” or for the attention, it’s time to stop dragging your girlfriends along with you. The adrenaline high can be fun, and definitely bonds you with the people who participate in the rush with you, but rebelling against the rules put in place for our protection for no reasonably justified reason is not okay. Real friends wouldn’t put your life (or future) in jeopardy.

5. Bullying
For some reason, girls seem to be the cruelest to each other, and they bond over their mutual cruelness. Bullying, of course, stems from insecurity and those who bond with bullies typically do so for their own human need to belong which is it’s own form of insecurity. But you don’t gain anything from making another human being a target for your own insecurities. 

It’s time for girls to stop bonding over these five destructive things. You’re stronger than that. So stop with the unhealthy dependence.

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