5 Things We Need to Stop Doing in Relationships

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Photo Credit: http://linadomina.deviantart.com/art/Don-t-Be-Mad-176208109
5 Things We Need to Stop Doing in Relationships
Stop! In the name of love.


  1. “Fixing.”
Real love in unconditional. It is aware that flaws are present, but accepts them as they are. Real love knows that perfection is not a person. Therefore, the second we start trying to change the people we claim to love, we stop loving them. Whether we’re trying to change a bad habit, a skill, or a personality trait doesn’t matter. What matters is that we’re trying to change someone who can only change themselves. Change comes from within. We can try as much as we like, but we are not going to change anybody. They have to change themselves. And honestly, if we want them to change, we’re not loving them anyway. So stop trying to be the “fixer.”

2. Lying.
This goes for all of it’s many forms. Lies of omission do just as much harm as an actual, flat-out lie. And lying with good intentions does twice as much harm as telling the painful truth. Speak the truth, always. If you’re not in a relationship where you can be honest, then you’re not in a healthy relationship. Real love speaks the truth, even when it hurts. Stop lying.

3. Changing.
Most of us will enter relationships without fully knowing who we are. Oftentimes, it’s the experiences within a relationship that teach us the most about ourselves. However, there’s also a tendency to lose ourselves in a relationship. We become people we don’t recognize. We start denying our own inner truths to suit the needs of the person we’re in a relationship with. And that’s not healthy. Real love doesn’t change who we are. It makes us more of who we are. It brings out the very best that is already within us. Stop changing to suit the relationship or another person. Be you.

4. Arguing.
Debates are healthy in relationships. Having different opinions on things is normal, and working through disagreements is beneficial to every relationship. However, there is a difference between debating/disagreeing and arguing. In an argument, there’s the heavy, unhealthy belief that one person is wrong and the other person is right. Both parties will wind up fighting to the death to try to prove their own “rightness” and the other’s “wrongness.” And that’s not productive or beneficial at all. Real love understands and empathizes. It seeks to understand the other’s point of view instead of proving them wrong. Stop arguing. You won’t agree on everything, but you can understand and accept the difference of opinion.

5. Neglecting.

With modern technology, we are never out of reach. We can connect with others from just about everywhere with no physical effort. This is great, but it also means our attention is easily divided and diverted. And a successful relationship needs quality time and attention given to it in order to survive. We need to stop neglecting our relationships. Set aside some time devoted entirely to the relationship. It doesn’t have to be a lot. It just has to be given your complete, undivided attention. 

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