Healing

Saturday, November 01, 2014

Photo Credit: http://casheefoo.deviantart.com/art/passage-379130077
Healing
It comes from the freedom to be.


In the mirror was a face she didn’t recognize.

Hiding behind the smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes, she buried all the pain, secrets, and lies. The biggest lie of all being I’m fine.

Because she wasn’t fine. 

And eventually all the pretending would catch up to her.

***

She sat alone in the hospital bed.

Wires were connected like a constellation on her head. It had taken three hours for the doctors to put them on, and it would take three days to take them off.

Her throat was raw from screaming. The vein in her hand was throbbing in pain from the tight grip she kept on the sheets every time her body started to convulse, causing the pressure of the IV needle to dig further into her flesh.

She was in pain inside and out, and nobody could save her. It felt like nobody was even trying.

But nobody knew how.

***

She shut people out because it was safer.

It was safer to keep her honest feelings, her true self, buried deep within her, locked away where they could be protected. It was much more devastating to open herself up, and have her feelings invalidated, her true self mocked.

At least that was what she had learned over the years. She built walls and considered the lesson learned.

But the true lesson was the one she missed. It doesn’t take walls to find safety and protection.

It takes courage.

***

The doctors told her that healing would come from within.

She needed to find a way to embrace the feelings she buried within. She needed to let the pain out. It was only hurting her to keep it in.

So little by little, she let it out.

It wasn’t easy, but the road to courage so rarely is. Courage doesn’t come without sacrifice, and she sacrificed much to find it.

But not nearly as much as she had sacrificed herself trying to deny it.

***

There was healing with time, and courage too.

She found both the moment all her walls came tumbling down, and her true self was no longer hidden, her past no longer a secret, the pain no longer in control of her present or future.


She was free.

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