Letter to the Ones Who Don't Know Where They Stand

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Photo Credit: http://casheefoo.deviantart.com/art/S-o-f-t-93458985
Letter to the Ones Who Don’t Know Where They Stand
Please accept this public apology.


Dear Maybe-Friends,

I suck, I know. I’m terrible at keeping in touch, and I’m even worse at small talk. I don’t ask you how you are unless you ask me first, and I can’t make my “good, thank you” sound genuine even if I wanted to. I know that makes you feel like a stranger, which isn’t fair. Most of you have played significant roles in my life at some point. I understand it’s confusing and ridiculous for me to treat you like those times never happened.

But here’s the thing: people change. Relationships end and perceptions alter. And I’m still learning how to adapt to it all. It’s hard for me. I wish I could control every moment in my life. I wish I could predict with any sort of certainty what roles a person will fill in my life and for how long. 

But life is only made of 50 percent personal effort. The other half, I believe and have come to know, is pure fate. And it’s that other 50 percent I can’t control that scares me, and keeps you at arms length. I’ll be glad to meet you halfway. But my efforts only go so far. I will very rarely be the one to reach out to you.

However, please know that I haven’t forgotten you. If we’re friends on Facebook, the chances are high that I know the most significant details of your life already, even if we haven’t spoken in years. I’ve smiled with joy for you at every baby photo, engagement, wedding, In-A-Relationship status, job promotion, college acceptance, and especially the nights you spent alone, bored obviously, but still content. It’s likely that I also cried for you after every breakup, loss, and general devastation. I have been here for you, all of you, silently when it would have been weirder to reach out.

This is probably why, when I do reach out, it feels like no time has passed at all. I’m very good at making time disappear when I want to be (my secret? Time is a man-made restriction. We control time. It doesn’t control us.). Unfortunately, I’m also very good at disappearing. And I do. Often. Without notice.

And for that I’m truly sorry. That isn’t fair to any of you either. I realize my constant disappearing acts don’t make it easy to know where you stand in my life.

So that’s why I’m writing this letter: to let all of you know where you stand.

If we’re friends on any social media site (though most prominently Facebook), I’m digitally keeping up with your life, even if we don’t speak and/or I never like a post.

If you have my phone number and/or know where I live, then I fiercely love, honor, and/or respect you. Or (as of right now) fiercely loved, honored, and/or respected you in the past three months. Even if I haven’t spoken to you in the past month. Or two. 
But no matter how long it’s been since we last spoke or whether or not you have my number and/or current residence, know that I haven’t forgotten you. That you are still in my thoughts, prayers, and memories. That I still wish the best for you in all that you do, and will happily meet you halfway if you ever decide to reach out. 

And perhaps someday I’ll reach out to you all on my own. I do that sometimes. Typically around New Years or the beginning months of summer when I always make the resolution to improve my relationships with others (which tends to involve making random reappearances in people’s lives). I’ll understand if you choose not to meet me halfway. People change. Relationships end. Perceptions shift. It’s all a part of life. That 50/50 balance between free-will and fate.

I’m hoping I’ll get the hang of it eventually. I’m hoping I’ll be able to adapt to life’s ever-changing circumstances, half of which are out of my control. I’m hoping I’ll be able to better handle the uncertainty of fate as well as my own impulsive free-will. Perhaps it will make relationship maintenance a bit easier. 

But in case I never become a master at maintaining relationships, please remember that I love you, whoever and wherever you are. Know that I am here for you, that I care for you, no matter what. If you ever need me, really need me, regardless of our past, I will do my best to have your back in any way that I can. I may suck at small talk and keeping in touch, but I promise I’ll make a strong backbone if you ever find yourself needing any extra support.

We met for a reason, and if we need to, we’ll meet again. Our connection serves a purpose. Even with distance.

I’m sorry I suck at keeping in touch. I hope this letter is an acceptable apology. I’ll have a better one for you if we ever reconnect, I promise.

But until then…

Best Wishes,


Kayla 

You Might Also Like

0 comments

Featured Post

Intermission