Want

Thursday, November 06, 2014


Want
What do I want?


What do I want?

I’ve reached a point in my life where I can ask this question, and sit with myself long enough to answer it honestly. I used to be afraid to even ask because I didn’t have enough self-esteem to think I deserved to have any wants for myself. Everything was always about everyone else, and I only involved myself with people who held the same toxic beliefs about myself as I did.

But that’s done with now.

I’m finally in a place where I realize that I have wants, and my wants matter. I can be honest to myself and to others, and if I ever find myself in a position where I think I can’t be honest, I don’t have a problem walking away. Sure, it hurts and sucks, especially when I realize I have to walk away from people who I’ve known a long time and have held important roles in my life, but ultimately I’m better because of it.

The problem, of course, is that I’ve only involved myself with toxic relationships for so long that I’m not really sure what healthy looks or feels like. 

This is most obvious when it comes to romantic relationships.

And that’s why I’m writing.

I’m exploring my wants when it comes to a romantic relationship for the first time, and I’m giving myself full permission to figure out what I want. I realize I can establish a list of what I don’t want pretty quickly, but figuring out what honestly matters to me in a relationship is tricky, but here we go:

1. I want to be with a man who has been devastated by his soulmate. I want him to have experienced that one tragic heartbreak that pushed him to his emotional limits and awakened his soul. I want him to be able to see the relationship as necessary for his growth. I want him to see every previous relationship from a mature and honest perspective.

2. I want to be with a man who has passion for something. I want to be with a man who has passionate opinions, and can express them to me in an honest, mature way. I want to be with a man who can have a conversation about real issues in the world, and discuss and debate with me about them. I want a man who isn’t afraid to have a different opinion than me, but will respect my opinion as much as I will respect his. I want a man who can introduce me to a way of seeing the world that I wouldn’t have thought of on my own.

3. I want an honest man. I want a man who believes in the truth, and isn’t afraid of it. I want a man who knows that while the truth may be painful sometimes, it’s always better to face the truth than a comforting lie. I want a man who knows that the truth prevails. I want a man who will be honest with me even if it hurts, and I want a man who will respect and be grateful than I will do the same.

4. I want a man who is financially stable and independent. I want a man who makes enough money to support himself, his needs, and his wants. I want a man who has a job and makes his own money and therefore knows the value of work. I want a man who spends money on experiences and necessities instead of impulsive wants or frivolous things, a man who isn’t attached to material things.

5. I want a man who has ambition. I want a man who knows where he wants to be in life and is making an effort to get there. I want a man who knows how to work hard for what he wants. I want a man with a dream and a determination to make it come true.

6. I want a man who identifies as a feminist. I want a man who believes in the social, economic, and political equality of the sexes. I want a man who respects women wholeheartedly.

7. I want a man who would rather make love than have sex or fuck. I want a man who’s sexual needs coincide with his emotional needs. I want a man who knows his body is connected to his mind connected to his spirit. I want a man who loves me and himself enough to connect our bodies out of that love rather than using my body to satisfy a sexual urge.

8. I want a man who has separate interests and a life outside of me. I want a man who isn’t going to make me his entire world. I want a man who has a life, friends, hobbies, and interests that won’t always include me. I want a man who can introduce me to these interests without forcing me to take them on as my own. I want a man to be himself, a unique individual.

9. I want a man who is creative. I want a man who is an innovative thinker. I want a man who creates things.

10. I want a man who is loyal and committed. I want a man who will call when he says he will and show up on time. I want a man who keeps his word. I want man whose actions match his words. I want a man I can trust.

11. I want a man who is respectful and empathetic. I want a man who can sympathize with others. I want a man who can truly listen when other’s are talking. I want a man who can offer an honest and kind perspective on tough situations in a way that is comforting instead of disarming. I want a man who cares.

12. I want a man who believes in love. I want a man whose religion is love. I want a man who’s every action reflects love. I want a man who believes he is here for a purpose, and that purpose is to love.

13. I want a man who believes in romance. I want a man who likes to see me happy. I want a man who remembers the little things. I want a man who makes romantic gestures, even small ones. I want a man who can make every moment special.

14. I want a man who loves to explore. I want a man who enjoys the outdoors and the wilderness. I want a man who likes spontaneous adventure, and isn’t afraid to fly. I want a man who can make long car rides an enjoyable and freeing experience. 

15. I want a man who can find peace in silence. I want a man who can sit still and savor the natural sounds around him. I want a man who can look within and reflect. I want a man who knows that quiet is sometimes better than pointless noise.

16. I want a man who knows how to slow down. I want a man who can curl up on the couch and have a Netflix marathon with me and not get bored or try to make it sexual. I want a man who would rather dine in than go out. I want a man who will cook with me and make a night in just as special as a night out. I want a man who treats nights out like a special occasion instead of a daily necessity. I want a man who knows how to relax and enjoy the simple joys.

17. I want a man who will make an excellent father. I want a man who will be a good role model for our children. I want a man who will be emotionally and physically present. I want a man who will make family a priority.

18. I want a man who takes care of himself. I want a man who eats well, and exercises. I want a man who takes the health of his body seriously without being obsessive about it. 

19. I want a man who reads. I want a man who can appreciate and get lost in a good story. I want a man who understands the elements of storytelling and uses proper grammar.


20. I want a man who shares my eclectic music taste. I want a man who will go to concerts with me because he enjoys the music as much as the shared experience. I want a man who can appreciate the same bands I adore, and can sing along with me in the car.


This is what I have so far. I'm sure this list will grow, change, or shrink as my experience with relationships continues to evolve, but for right now, these are the things I want most in a romantic relationship. These are the wants that matter to me. And I'm not settling for anything less. :)

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