Believe in Love

Sunday, January 11, 2015

 Believe in Love

Sometimes I don’t know if I believe in love

It seems a lot more trouble than it’s worth. We sacrifice so many pieces and parts of our lives, so we can build a whole new one with another person, and we call it love. We stop going out, and watch a movie at home. We cook dinner for two, and even if it’s burnt we call it great. We gain an extra fifteen or twenty pounds that we worked so hard to lose,
and the bricks and layers of our walls start to come down so we are not the same person our love first met. In fact, we don’t even know who that person is anymore because we have become somebody new, perhaps even somebody better. We can’t help except to create a new version of ourselves in our relationships because that’s what all relationships are for: new growth. 

But in romantic relationships we grow together, and we pretend it will last forever.

And if we’re lucky, this illusion lasts as long as we both live, but what happens to those who realize forever doesn’t exist? What about those who lost the ability to grow together and must move on without each other? The life they once built together is over, and they must build a whole new life all over again. They lose the extra pounds they gained. They start going out to eat, to see a movie, to drink, and laugh, and connect with other people. They build new habits, find new interests and hobbies or perhaps become more invested in old ones.

Until they find somebody new to build a life with.
Doesn’t it get exhausting to keep building and rebuilding ourselves, our lives, and our relationships? But we keep at it because growth is in our very nature, and finding someone we can grow with eternally is a feeling that can’t be beat.

We don’t just want love; we need it.

We need that disastrous love that brings out all the very worst parts of ourselves, the parts we’re forced to overcome and change.

We need that unrequited love that teaches us how to value ourselves enough to walk away.

We need that primal love that reminds us we are all just animals on the inside, fighting to keep the human race alive.

We need that calm and patient love to settle down with, build a life of support and trust and equality.

We need that adventurous love that shows us the world and how beautifully big it all is.

Love is the essence of the world. We can’t truly live without it.

Sometimes, I don’t know if I believe in love because it’s messy and painful and there’s a whole lot of risk involved that doesn’t always seem worth it. I remember all the times I’ve fallen in love, and how it destroyed me. Many lives have been destroyed by love, in fact, but that’s the point.

We are constantly building and rebuilding ourselves, our lives. Change is our only guaranteed consistency, and love our greatest motivator for change.

Love will destroy us, but it will also put us back together. It shapes us, rearranges us, transforms us, and the more we try to resist, the less we wind up living.

And wouldn’t we all rather live?

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