Own Your Life

Thursday, January 08, 2015

Photo Credit: http://nataliaciobanu.deviantart.com/art/Wait-356719225
Own Your Life
The end of second-guessing and overthinking.

Eighty-five percent of my waking life, I feel completely delusional.

I second-guess everything. When faced with a choice, I tend to overvalue the opinions of others because I don’t trust myself to make the right choice for me. As a result, I typically wind up feeling like my choices aren’t my own, and I’m just going through the motions of someone else’s life. I especially have a hard time accepting my accomplishments as my own. Several times this week people have praised me for something, and I’ve completely dismissed the compliment. 

I’m not a published author. All those stories don’t count. I’m not a good student; I just did my work. I’m not a good friend, good listener, good anything; people just keep me around because they pity me.

I’ve realized that a lot of this harmful self-talk stems from the environment I was raised in where my feelings where either ignored or consistently invalidated. But I’ve also realized that I don’t need my feelings to be validated or acknowledged by anyone except for myself.

It’s time to take ownership of my life.

Of course, it’s not going to be easy. But change rarely is, a sentiment echoed in this quote I found to inspire me:

For a seed to achieve it’s greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, it’s insides come out, and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction. -Cynthia Occelli

I’ve spent my life trying to make others happy, and devaluing myself in the process. I haven’t trusted myself to be myself. The expectations for myself are impossible to achieve, and yet I beat myself up for not achieving them anyway.

But it’s time for that to stop. It’s time for me to start giving myself the benefit of the doubt, and owning my accomplishments without feeling like a total fraud. It’s time for me to make choices for me instead of relying on the opinions of others, and feeling selfish for having an opinion at all.

Because I matter, and my wants and feelings are real whether anyone else sees or cares. Maybe I should have figured this out a long time ago, but I’m figuring it out now, and my life is going to start changing as a result.

I’m done overthinking and second-guessing. I’m done caring what anyone else has to say about my life and how I should live it. 

I’m owning my life. Are you owning yours?

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