Last Day

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Last Day

I’m realizing I spend probably too much time thinking about death.

Or, more specifically, my last day.

It’s become something of a daily meditation for me. Every morning I ask myself How would I spend today if today was all I had left? And every night I ask If I don’t wake tomorrow morning, will I be satisfied with how I spent today?

I haven’t decided yet whether this is morbid or genius. Perhaps it’s both.

Because of this morbid-and-genius meditation, I’ve become more conscious of my life and my choices. It’s been truly liberating to live each day as if it were my last, to go to sleep each night satisfied with my life.

And it’s also been enlightening.

When asked, I tell everyone I would spend my last day traveling. If it were truly my last day, I would abandon all the daily nuisances of life, all the “shoulds” and “have-tos” and take off. I’d travel the world, seeing all the places in my dreams and fantasies. New York City. Paris. Hawaii. Rio de Janeiro. Italy. London. I’d take in as much of the world as I could before my time upon it ran out.

But with further introspection, I know that’s not true. I would not spend my last day traveling the world because I wouldn’t be able to see it all in one day anyway. And besides, I’d have much more soul-soothing things to accomplish.

I would spend my last day making sure every person I love knows how much I love them and why. I’d write letters, poetry, plan small gestures of appreciation. I’d leave behind my love for everyone in my heart.

And then, I’d write letters to all the people who hurt me. I would thank them for without the pain, I wouldn’t have learned to be strong. I would forgive them. I would leave behind a little bit of love and gratitude for the people who destroyed me because they are only human. We’re all only human. But we’re all worth loving.

I’d spend my remaining time on the beach. I’d drive to my favorite spot by Bob Hall Pier. There’s a particular table there that has seen a lot of me, in times of distress as well as intense joy. It is the place where my soul finds rest, where I feel most connected to the world, most present, most alive, most loved.

I’d watch the sunset over the water. I’d lie my head on the sand and watch the stars come out. Maybe I’d cry. Maybe I’d smile.  But mostly I’d feel whatever is left inside of me to feel.

And then I’d be gone.

That’s how I would truly spend my last day. I’d spend it showing love and gratitude for all the significant people in my life. And then I’d take the time to feel the love and gratitude left inside myself.

And I think if we all took the time to really evaluate how we would spend our last day, we’d all have a similar idea. We’d all choose to spend our last day showing, giving, and feeling love.

So as morbid as it may be, I encourage you to think about it. Think about your last day. Look past all the grand, dramatic gestures and accomplishments that first come to mind, and think about how you would truly wish to spend your very last day on earth.

Think about love.


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