You Can't Buy Love

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

You Can’t Buy Love

Relationships are not transactions.

It should be common sense, but in our capitalistic culture, sometimes it’s easy to get confused. My family has always been better off than most, and I’ve grown used to the family habit of spending money in replacement of a simple and genuine I love you. It was easier for my family to spend money than to spend time— quality time— building relationships.

And so at certain points in my life, I’ve often felt like I was paying people to care about me, to want to spend time with me. I’ve felt like I asked a lot emotionally from my friends and family, and therefore felt like I had to make up for it by spending my money, paying for the entertainment, the gas, the fun, everything. As if my bank account was all I had to offer, all that made me worthwhile.

And I would fear that as soon as the funds ran out, so would the relationships.

Sometimes, this was the case, and my belief would be reinforced. But not always. And yet, it was always so much easier to cling onto the few “takers” who disappeared when there was nothing left to take rather than accept that I might be a worthwhile person to spend time with, to call a friend, and to care about.

I’ve gotten past the false belief now. I now know that I have so much more to offer in my relationships than my bank account, and if someone can’t see that, it’s not my problem. It’s their loss.

However, occasionally, I’ll revert to my old pattern of thinking. I’ll begin to overthink which leads to second-guessing which leads to doubting myself. I’m human. It happens.

But during these moments, I can always remind myself that relationships are not transactions. They are not measured by who spends the most, or who has the most to give. Real friends don’t care whether you have the latest gadget or the biggest house or the fastest car. Real relationships are build on a foundation of unconditional love and acceptance. Real relationships are sustained by the mutual care, trust, and quality time given to it. And those things are all free. They all come from within.

Relationships are not transactions. They aren’t external. They’re internal. 

All the things that matter in life are internal. They can’t be bought, and that’s what makes them worthy.

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