Back to Me

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Back to Me

So, I realize I’m doing a terrible job at getting this letter series written and completed. It seems like every time I think I’ve written the last letter, another person comes to mind, and there’s another letter to write.

And honestly, it’s a lot of work, this letter writing business.

It’s always been easy for me to see the essence of people clearly. I understand their intentions, and their hearts. Empathy is my personal superpower. But people can’t always see themselves clearly, and that’s why I wanted to write this letter series. I wanted the people I love to know they are seen, they are valuable, and how they have affected my life. I wanted to give them what I have been learning to give myself: unconditional love for Self.

Writing the letters was easy when everything was going right in my life. But that’s how giving tends to work: we feel the most giving when we feel abundant, and we tend to feel most abundant when everything in our lives is going smoothly.

However, the stress has been piling up during the last several months. Though if we’re being completely honest, stress has been piling up for about a year now. There are issues I haven’t dealt with completely, and problems I haven’t solved.

And these issues are all coming up now and the problems are demanding to be solved. I’m feeling the pressure from within to grow and evolve and finally, finally become everything I’m meant to be. But out of fear and exhaustion, I’ve held myself back instead of allowing myself to grow.

The letter series is for others. It’s all about making others feel seen and loved and valued. But at this time in my life, I need to direct that giving energy to myself. I need to make myself feel seen and loved and valued. I need to get back to my feeling of abundance.

So that’s what I’m going to be doing. I’ll get back to the letter series eventually. Or maybe I’ll post the letters as they come to me, and organize it all on here later. Because sometimes the best plan is having no plan.

I need that kind of freedom in my writing again. I need to get back to writing my heart out for me, and not for anyone else.

 I need to get back to me.

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