This one was a doozy. 

But I suppose that’s to be expected from a biographical account of a dying man.

I found this book while browsing the local library. I try to select at least one fiction novel and one nonfiction novel to read each time I go and this was my nonfiction pick. The poetic title and the minimalistic cover design are what stood out to me the most. Then, when I picked it up and read the first couple sentences of the cover flap, I was hooked:

I’m a sucker for exploring the philosophies of life. Like Paul, I consider myself a seeker of meaning, constantly asking myself questions like those proposed in the synopsis of the book:

To be able to ask these questions, and to put ourselves on the path of seeking the answers, I believe is one of the hallmarks of the human experience. Though, as Paul reminds us in the book, “No system of thought can contain the fullness of human experience.” 

The story starts out with Paul’s first diagnosis with cancer and then quickly turns into a biographical account of his life’s work: attempting to discover what it means to live and die as a human being through the lens of a neurosurgeon and a lover of literature. 

We see him growing up in a rural part of Arizona, his mother impressing upon him the importance of education and literature. Like most young men at a certain point in their lives, he aspired to be someone entirely different from his father, a doctor who was inspiring and brilliant but also frequently absent and engrossed in his work. 

And also like most young men at a certain other point in their lives, he eventually became a very similar person to his father in the end by becoming a neurosurgeon and combining his interest in literature's quest for meaning with the scientific study of how the brain makes us capable of pursuing such a quest.

He believed that science and literature were not complete opposites but instead two sides of the same coin: a way to make and pursue meaning in life. By pursuing a career path as a neurosurgeon, it’s clear that he hoped to find meaning in the deeply intense work of holding someone’s meaning-maker in his hands, literally taking it apart and piecing it back together over and over and over again. 

Then, as life tends to do, in an ironic twist of fate, his quest for meaning was put to the test when he became the patient on the verge of death that he encountered constantly in his every day life. 

In the aftermath of his diagnosis, we see Paul struggling to come to terms with what it means to truly live as he grapples with his terminal illness, overcomes it, and then relapses again. 

He threads his reflections on important questions with his first person account of what it felt like to live with his illness, what it felt like to be a patient after years of being a doctor, and also what it was like to be staring death right in the face and deciding to live a life worth meaning in spite of it. 

Above all the bits of wisdom threaded throughout the book (and there are A LOT), the notion that the quest for meaning is a never-ending process—one we will all ultimately struggle to define every day of our lives until we die—is the most prevalent. A reminder that life is about the journey, not the destination.

What gutted me the most about this novel was how much of it was clearly written with the intention for his daughter to be able to know him, even after he is long gone. He died just 8 short months after her birth, leaving her with this book and the last line he wrote in it–a clear dedication speaking directly to his only child:

“When you come to one of the many moments in life where you must give an account of yourself, provide a ledger of what you have been, done, and meant to the world, do not, I pray, discount that you filled a dying man’s days with a sated joy, a joy unknown to me in all my prior years, a joy that does not hunger for more and more but rests, satisfied. In this time, right now, that is an enormous thing.”

I had to put the book down after reading that last line so I could bawl my eyes out. It hit me so hard my grief wound was split wide open and it took me a moment to recover and actually finish the rest of the book.

And, man, do I love a book that makes me cry. Isn’t that the point of art, after all? To make us feel something?

The book officially ends with a note from his wife, Lucy, who shares what the last year of Paul’s life was like in the time between when he wrote that last line and when the book was published. She talked about what his intentions were for writing, how he wrote, and also how he lived.

Overall, When Breath Becomes Air is truly a beautiful reminder that maybe the most meaningful thing we can do in life is seek to make life meaningful. 

Maybe, just maybe, that is more than enough.

What do you think? 

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!

Last summer, I went on a trip to Pensacola, Florida to connect IRL with some gaming friends who lived in the area as well as to reunite with old friends who lived out of state. 

The only other time I had been to Florida was for a family trip to Disney, and my impression of the state was not particularly positive. However, during my trip to Pensacola, I absolutely fell in love with the city–especially the white sand beaches of the glistening emerald coast and all the lush greenery in the surrounding areas. 

Ever since, I’ve been actively seeking out literature set in Florida with the hope I’ll be transported back to that feeling of wonder and awe for the Sunshine State that was awakened during my trip.

Which is initially what drew me to The Light Pirate when it popped up as one of my Book of the Month picks. 

What sold me, though, was the opening paragraph provided in the sample reading:

“Somewhere west of Africa, so far from land the sky is empty in all directions, a storm begins. The water is warm, the waves are high. The air is heavy with moisture. A breath of wind catches, then circles back, churning itself into something new: a closed circuit gathering power, tighter and tighter. In this way, the storm grows. It matures. Learns to hold a shape. The warm water feeds it, fattens it, then urges it westward. Electronic eyes watch as it skims across the Atlantic. Soon enough, it earns a name. Reports are written about its speed and size. Preparations are made. There are other storms in this ocean, other pockets of hot, moist wind and rain-heavy cloud. But this one–this one will outgrow them all.”

And so the story introduces us to Hurricane Wanda, the storm that will forever alter and define the lives of the main characters.

Written in third person and set in a not-so-distant future, the story first focuses on the perspectives of task-oriented lineman Kirby and his new, very pregnant wife Frida. After losing her mother in a devastating hurricane the year before, Frida has been struggling to keep her anxiety in check while Kirby has been struggling to juggle his responsibilities as the lead lineman responsible for keeping the electricity running in a town constantly pummelled by viscous storms; an understanding husband to his fretful new wife; and a father to his two boys staying with him for the summer, Lucas and Flip.

Their struggles come to a head when Lucas and Flip–hellbent on rebelling against the life their father is building with his new wife–decide to venture out in the thick of the storm while Kirby is at work and Frida is attempting to rest. When Kirby returns home and finds the boys missing, panic ensues as Kirby races to bring the boys home before the worst of the storm hits. Meanwhile, Frida–left behind in Kirby’s panic–finds herself enduring a pre-term labor that she must fight to survive.

By the time Kirby returns home, she’s nearly lost the fight but still manages to hand him their baby girl and request that she be named Wanda–after the hurricane. 

The story then follows Wanda as she grows up motherless in a town slowly succumbing to nature’s elements. We see the remnants of Wanda’s world through her curious exploration of and interaction with what’s left of it. Frequent hurricanes have been slamming the Florida coast so often that civilization has become nearly impossible. Bigger cities have started to evacuate while smaller towns–like the one Wanda lives in–are little more than ruins hardly able to keep their heads above the water. The only people still residing there are the loyal residents determined to fix it–like Wanda’s father, Kirby–or the people with nowhere else to go. 

When the schools get shut down, she’s forced to spend her days with a former professor and biologist named Phyllis who lives in a neighboring house. Through Phyllis, Wanda learns how to make sense of the world, and most importantly, how to survive– a skill that becomes ever more useful as the years pass by and the world around Wanda continues to deteriorate. 

We also learn that Wanda has a special power: whenever she touches water, she’s able to make it glow. Phyllis, ever the scientist, tries desperately to solve what might be causing this “bioluminescence” to occur, but we never get a definitive answer throughout the book. The closest we get is in the very last chapter when we see the community of fellow survivors Wanda has become a part of and she remarks on how other kids have certain, special abilities as well: one who is able to hold their breath underwater for an inhuman length of time, another who is able to talk to fish, and another still who is able to see clearly in the dark. It’s essentially chalked up to evolution, the natural adaptation that occurs out of a necessity of survival. 

Which brings me to the main theme of the book: the inevitability of change. 

Through beautifully written prose The Light Pirate teaches us that even the best laid plans can fail and survival is more about being willing to adapt than anything else. 

Personal growth is tough. I’ve been on this journey for a while and it hasn’t gotten any easier. 

But that’s the work.

Welcome aboard!

The following 5 experiences are the ones that will have the biggest impact on your personal growth as long as you’re willing to learn from them. Even though this post was written a long time ago (hello 2013), I decided to repost it here because the lessons I learned from these experiences are still relevant today. 

I hope you’ll find them useful too!

1. The Introspection

This is the most important experience you will have in your life because without this experience, you will never be able to learn anything from any of the other experiences in your life. This is the time when you take a look inside yourself–and I mean really look at yourself. 

You let yourself notice everything: your flow, memories (even and perhaps especially the painful ones), your habits, quirks, desires, and everything that makes you, well, you. You give yourself and your life a total examination, and you don’t shy away from all the parts you’d rather ignore. 

The most common way to do this is through meditation, but meditation can mean different things to different people. For me, it started with the experience of empathy while reading a particularly relatable book which eventually brought me to the yoga mat. But others may start on the yoga mat, or perhaps they’ll experience this deep contemplation and evaluation of self while listening to music, or washing the dishes, or any other (mostly) quiet activity conducive to introspective thought. 

It may sound simple, but this is the most difficult experience you will go through. Try spending a single minute alone with your thoughts and you’ll understand what I mean. 

However, if you give yourself the chance to experience the deepest introspection, you’ll learn everything you will ever need to know about yourself in order to live life fully and embrace the entirety of your life experiences.

2. The Heartbreak

I believe in Elizabeth Gilbert’s definition of a soulmate which means that I believe a soulmate is the person who completely changes your world, awakens your soul, and absolutely obliterates your heart. 

This is the person who will give you The One Truly Devastating, Heart-Breaking Love Story that you will always remember. But this isn’t necessarily a romantic partner. It can just as easily be a family member or a close friend. 

This is the person whose name represents a time period in your life: the BC and AD of your personal life journey. Everything that happened in between the pre and post periods of your relationship felt like another time period of its own where you learned the hard way what your soul is made of, what it wants, and how it loves. 

This relationship wasn’t built to last, and its end will be one of the most devastating events in your life. Your heart will probably be left in a million pieces. 

But that’s okay because by the time you piece yourself back together you will have learned every lesson in love you will ever need.

3. The Setback

I’m a planner by nature, and I spend the majority of my time dreaming up plans for my future. Sometimes, I get so caught up in how I imagine things that I fail to recognize reality, and the wake-up call isn’t always pretty. 

This has happened enough that I’ve realized something incredibly valuable to having our dreams completely shattered: When things don’t work out the way we had hoped or planned, we’re given the chance to have things happen exactly as they were meant to. 

I truly believe everything happens for a reason, and when things don’t go according to plan, it’s always a blessing in disguise. Having your dreams shattered surely sucks, but it gives you the chance to really appreciate what’s happening in the present and to reevaluate your current direction toward the future.

4. The Failure

This experience will be a lot like The Setback except for one thing: The Failure will be entirely your fault. This experience was no accident. It couldn’t be excused by life or fate or God or any other all-powerful and universal source. This time, the only person who will be blamed for the utter failure is you. 

It’s the opportunity not taken. It’s the relationship that wasn’t fought for, that no effort was given to, and that no time was made for. It’s the failure that could have been prevented, but instead you consciously ignored all the warning signs, and let the total destruction of your life take place. 

It’s not all bad, though, because through this complete destruction, you learned how to ensure you never repeat this total failure again. 

5. The Enlightenment

Typically, you’ll face this experience when you hit rock bottom. When the only direction you can move in is up, it’s a lot easier to find enlightenment. However, it’s also possible for this experience to take place amongst the ordinary, tediousness of every-day living. 

The Enlightenment is the experience that teaches you that life is beautiful and worth living. It’s the experience that gives you a sense of purpose in life, an ability to see beauty in everything life brings, and the realization that you are in control of your own destiny. 

No, that does not mean you can literally control all of your life circumstances. What it means is that you have the power to decide what’s worth living for, and to make the effort to live in alignment with what matters to you. 

It’s just another day at work when BAM! you suddenly realize there’s more to life than a paycheck. Maybe you quit your job to work on a passion project. Maybe you just make more time in your life for what matters and less time making excuses. 

Your Enlightenment will be as big or as small of an experience as it needs to be to get you to really see this whole life thing in a new light. That’s kinda the whole point.

Use the Enlightenment to determine what matters to you and live your life accordingly

What about you? Which experiences have you been through? What lessons did you learn from them! 

Let me know in the comments below or connect with me on social media!

I’d love to hear from you!

 I hope you enjoy it (and that it will encourage you to buy the book when it comes out!)

The Choice by Kayla Mathys