- I need my space.
I need time to myself, just me. A few hours ideally with a bare minimum of thirty minutes. Daily. I place a high value on introspection. I need time to get lost in my own head and find my way back out. I need time to decompress and tune into my own energy instead of being sucked into the emotional worlds of anyone and everyone else. I spend so much of my day thinking about others. I’ve often gone entire years without ever thinking about myself. And that’s not healthy. Give me space. Let me have my “me” time. Or we’re going to have Problems.
2. I bake when I’m stressed.
Because making something beautifully delicious is often times the only thing that can get me through the ugly parts of life. I often don’t follow a recipe, I rarely remember the ingredients I used, I eat more of the dough than the finished product, and if you ask me why I’m baking, I’ll tell you I just felt like baking. What I won’t tell you is why I felt like baking, so don’t ask. Just enjoy the treat. It will make me feel better.
3. I’m extremely sentimental.
I cry over everything. I cry when I’m happy. I cry when I’m sad. I cry when I’m angry, frustrated, and tired. I cry when other people cry, even if it’s just in the movies. I cry when I see something really cute and adorable, and I cry when I see something really violent and grotesque. But I won’t cry in public or in front of other people (unless I’m really upset). So if I’m ever crying in front of you, know that it’s only because I’m completely overwhelmed by emotion and I’m not okay. But don’t stop me from crying. If you try to rationalize my emotions or stop me from feeling them, I will resent you and immediately lose respect for you. So, let me cry. I’ll be okay, I promise. Just let me feel it out.
4. I can be very introverted.
I’d rather stay in than go out any day of the week. I read a book a day. I rarely think silence is awkward. In fact, I really enjoy the quiet. I’ll rarely be the one to instigate plans because most days I’m perfectly happy being alone. I find it very easy to disappear into my own little world, which makes me pretty terrible at keeping in touch. And if you invite me to a club or party or anywhere with lots of people I don’t know, I’ll need a few days notice to prepare myself emotionally for the total energy suck of being around crowds of strangers. I have trouble sharing personal stories with people I don’t know, but genuinely enjoy listening to the personal stories of others. Oftentimes, people mistake my introversion as my being stuck-up and/or self-centered, or even a “goody-two-shoes” but trust me I am none of the above. I’m just careful who I give my energy to, and like my time alone.
5. I enjoy intense debates.
I can make every conversation a debate. I like to challenge people’s beliefs, including my own. I like open, opinionated discussions about the meaning of life, religion, society, anything. I have a wide range of topics I’m passionate about, and a voice that was much too muffled as a child. Engage me in a debate, and we won’t quit until I’ve made my point. I can be stubborn, but I’m also open to new ideas. Give me a new perspective on something, and I’ll instantly respect you. So let’s talk. You’ll probably regret it later, but I’ll have fun :)
6. I’m spontaneous.
I make plans on the spur-of-the-moment, and can change those plans just as fast. I often make decisions without pausing to rationalize or analyze the choices. I follow my heart much more often than my head, and resent people who try to make me choose differently. I’ll try almost anything once unless I have a good reason not to. This is exhilarating, but also quite exhausting.
7. Music is my life.
I can’t go a day without music. I just can’t. I need it to survive. My music taste is random because I’ll listen to anything that makes me feel, so trying to make sense of my playlists is pointless. I sort songs by emotion, not artist or genre. I usually wake up with a song in my head, and will wind up listening to it on repeat throughout the day. I’ll often catch myself dancing to music that’s only playing in my head. As much as I enjoy silence, I can’t be in a car without listening to music. Or in a plane. Or any moving vehicle, really. And if you ever make fun of my music taste, touch my stereo (without my permission), or otherwise disrespect and/or disrupt my music enjoyment, I will hate you. FOREVER.
8. I like to cuddle. With everyone.
Cuddling is in no way sexual or romantic for me. I just like to hold and be held. Which watching a movie, while walking side-by-side, with guy friends, girl friends, significant others, dogs, and stuffed animals alike. I’ll resent anyone who tries to make it sexual, and I’m often disappointed by the touch-averse society we live in. I understand people don’t see cuddling as nonchalantly essential as I do, and that saddens me. Give me hugs. Lots of them. Put your arm around me. Hold my hand. Walk with our arms intertwined. Touch me. Hold me. I don’t want to have sex or fall in love with you. I just want to cuddle. :)
9. Sex and love are intertwined for me.
But because of traumatic past experiences, I’ve learned to separate the two. Therefore, while I won’t get any personal enjoyment from sex without love present, I’ll typically succumb to a sexual relationship before I’m ready. This winds up being disastrous because I immediately resent the other person and the entire relationship, especially if this person is aware of my past. So don’t pressure me. You’ll know when I’m ready. I’ll have no problem letting you know, but just so you know, it most definitely won’t be within a few hours or even a few days after I’ve said I’m not ready and my saying “Okay” to your pleading pressures isn’t actually okay. In fact, it’s grounds for your immediate removal from my life. No apologies accepted.
10. I’m an overachiever.
I don’t like leaving things unfinished or half-assed. I give my very best in everything I do. Literally everything: relationships, school, work, cleaning, DIY projects…everything. I won’t stop until I’ve given my everything and I’m finished. This makes for some beautiful accomplishments, but can also be very overwhelming and stressful for me. But don’t ever try to stop me. It’s more stressful for things to be left incomplete or imperfect (and by that I mean it wasn’t given my best).
11. I have a love-hate relationship with my family.
I will very rarely have something nice or pleasant to say about them. I will often complain, vow never to speak to them again, and will only realize I love them when I’m not around them. But at the end of the day, they are my family and my love for them runs deep. I need them in my life, and I don’t know what I’d do without them. And just so we’re clear, the pets are also included in the family. There is no distinction between animal and human in my family. And I mean that as much metaphorically as literally. With love, of course. :)
12. I’m incredibly idealistic.
I believe in everlasting, unconditional love. I believe when it’s right, it isn’t difficult. I believe passion and peace can exist simultaneously within a relationship. I believe that every day is worth living for, and every moment contains something beautiful. I believe everything is connected, and a trip to the nearest beach is the cure for everything. I believe everything happens for a reason, and I’m often much too optimistic for my own good. But that’s okay. I may be a dreamer, but I don’t dismiss reality. I just choose to believe in the beauty and wonder contained in every bit of life.
