The Choice of Love

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Photo Credit: http://www.mbfestudio.com/2014/06/10-pasos-para-superar-la-depresion.html
The Choice of Love
Love is love for all involved.

Yesterday, I spent the day re-watching the Twilight saga movies with my best friend and favorite person in the world.

During the third movie-book (Eclipse), Jacob (the werewolf best friend), makes the argument that it’s possible to love more than one person at the same time. My best friend disagreed with this statement.

“If you truly loved the first person, you would have never fallen in love with the second,” he said.

“But what about us?” I asked.

“That’s different.”

“How?”

This is my relationship with my best friend:

I’m going to be the surrogate mother for the children he’s going to raise with his future husband. We already have it planned out. Also, I’m going to plan his wedding, and he’s definitely going to be my Maid of Honor in my wedding (if I decide to have one). He’s my person. We both know we can call each other if we should ever commit murder and need help disposing of the body. In fact, we’ll probably be there to help each other commit said murder. We accept and love each other unconditionally. 

This is my relationship with my future husband:

I’m going to be the mother of his children. He’s my person. I know he’ll have my back no matter what, and I know I’ll have his as well. We can tell each other anything and everything without fear of judgement. We accept and love each other unconditionally. And the sex is amazing.

The only difference is sex, but sex isn’t love. Love is love no matter what the circumstances.

The expectations are different for romantic relationships in that we actually have them. The argument can be made that the love we have for our friends is actually more pure than the love we have for our significant others because we’re less likely to expect our friends to behave a certain way or perform a certain action. We love and accept our friends for who they are, even when they drive us crazy.

Someone asked me recently what I looked for in friendships and romantic relationships.

My answer for friendships was:

A mutual respect for honesty, even if it’s uncomfortable. The ability to make spontaneous plans. And a love of art in all it’s forms (food, music, books, film, games, etc…)

My answer for romantic relationships was:

A mutual respect for honesty, even if it’s uncomfortable. The ability to make spontaneous plans.  A love of art in all it’s forms. Is good in bed. And fits in/ gets along with my crazy friends and even crazier family.

I expect more from my romantic relationships than from my friendships, though not much. But that’s how romantic relationships work. We automatically expect more from our romantic relationships than from our friendships.

Why?

Because in romantic relationships there’s the element of choice. Out of the billions of people in this world, you are choosing one person to build a life with, to start a family with, to be your partner in this crazy thing called life. You are choosing to go to bed every night with one person and wake up in the morning with that one person. As humans, we aren’t wired to be monogamous. We aren’t wired for exclusivity. But we make the choice because the payoffs are worth it in the end. In the end, we have a person to raise children with us, to support us emotionally, physically, and financially, to hold our hand and remind us we are loved as we are on our deathbed. In the end, we have one person we know for sure we can count on, always to love and be loved by.

But love is love. Monogamy and exclusivity are a choice. They are a choice in the expression of love. 

Jacob was right in Eclipse. Bella does love Edward and Jacob equally. But she made the choice to love Edward exclusively.

It’s possible to love more than one person at a time. We do it all the time.

But (assuming we aren’t polyamorous) in the end we must make a choice. And it’s a choice we make as the ultimate expression of love.

But it’s still only a choice.


Love is and always will be love, welcome and felt by all and all at once.

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